The list can go on and on.
How do we deal with trauma and keep moving forward when we feel like it all is crumbling?
When we don’t feel like we are enough?
Or that this ONE moment or many moments has knocked us down and we might not get back up?
Madeline was my more than just my grandmother. She was like my second mom. Almost everyday of my life she was there. Inspiring me, empowering me, and ALWAYS celebrating me.
She never missed a basketball game, cheerleading meet, softball game, dance recital, or birthday. She never chose to be somewhere else instead of being with her grandchildren. She sacrificed her time and freedom to raise grandchildren when her time of raising her children was over.
Losing her on Dec 10th, 2018 was and is the HARDEST darkness I have had to overcome this year.
See, at 22 weeks pregnant the thought of my baby girl NEVER meeting the woman who has inspired me to be the best version of me breaks my heart, makes me sad, and has me SUPER emotional. Some days, continuing in my business and supporting my team seems pointless. For what? I will ask myself.
Let me take you back to October, 2018. I was in Dallas at my Network Marketing Convention where I was about to speak on stage. I receive a call from my mother that my grandmother had just been admitted to the hospital. I stayed calm, asked a million questions, and prayed that she would be ok. See, I was told she was in A Fib which meant it was her heart.
The next day I jumped on plane and returned home to rush by her side.
The news was debilitating.
All I heard was… Aggressive stage 4 cancer…
Seeing my grandmother in tears put me into a deep dark place. This woman was healthy, exercised, laughed daily, attended church every Sunday, why her?
I put myself into denial as quickly as I could. The doctor messed up. He had to. He was being dramatic I told myself.
Doctor appointment after doctor appointment and all the same. Stage 4 and then, “There is nothing we can do. There are no options. No radiation, and no options. Make your plans.” F*cking killed me to hear those words.
Thanksgiving. The last holiday our family would ever spend with her. We all knew it. My 8 year old daughter, Anaiyah, knew it.
Anaiyah has a pure heart. She writes in her prayer journal every single day. She prays for others without anyone knowing, she prays with a pure heart. That night she said to me,
“I prayed that Jesus would take care of Grammy in Heaven mommy, I knew not to pray for her to get better because she is really sick right?”
Another emotional, heart breaking moment for me. My baby girl would go through her first death in life. My heart was breaking.
Dec 2nd 2018. I was supposed to leave for Vegas to attend the Eric Worre Go Pro Event. I called and cancelled the whole trip that evening because we had to call Hospice for my Grammy. It was the end.
I tried to hold it together for my family. Cry outside, stay calm, and comfort my Grammy as she transitioned into a state of no movement, no words, no life.
This process took a week and was so hard on my family. But we got to be by her side and tell her stories of all the times we loved and appreciated about her.
Dec 10th I woke up to the call I dreaded. Grammy took her last breath at 1:30 am on Dec 10th. My heart was breaking. She was really gone.
So how am I supposed to move forward in my business? As a mom, with another little girl in my belly, run my brand, my team, while grieving? HOW? Trauma, tragedy, depression, fear, sadness, darkness is easy to get caught up in and to stay into this deep dark hole, how do I get out?
I want to take you on my journey of HOW I deal with Trauma and Tragedy while building a business. Unfortunately, I have seen a lot in my 7 years of being an entrepreneur and I want you to know that whatever YOU are going through in this moment, there is light at the end of the tunnel for you. So please keep reading…
Can we really move forward?
Listen, I know it’s tough. Reality is difficult. My Faith keeps me strong as well as mentors like Tony Robbins, John Maxwell, and Brendon Burchard have helped me through my tough times while being an entrepreneur.
Here are some ways I have pulled myself out of depression and darkness:
For example, taking a shower, reading a chapter in a book, and listening to personal development. These simple 3 things can help me move forward when I feel like shit. We have to find ways to move forward and move THROUGH the pain. Pain is temporary. I promise. What are 3 small wins you can accomplish everyday to help you get out of the depression and darkness?
Whenever I would hear this growing up I would legit cringe. Don’t tell me my perspective is off. Blah Blah. Ummmmmm Yea my teenage years I was a real pleasant person… NOT hahahah But as I have gotten older and built my business PERSPECTIVE has become a word that has saved me over and over again. I had to let go of the Victim mentality that no one knew what I was going through.
I needed to remember the good times, the better times, and not just the hard times. I had to stop focusing on the dark times… I was forgetting the power of law of attraction and my power of choice. Yes I was choosing to stay in shit, stay in darkness, live in my tragedy and not let go.
I needed to remember my strengths and tap back into having control over what I focused on. I even asked for help. Therapy, support from loved ones, and lots of prayer.
What are 3 things I can learn or gain from this tragedy? From my behaviors or beliefs? Will my story inspire someone else? Or… will I allow this pain to keep me down?
Are there some changes I can make?
Once we start shifting how we think we activate different parts of our brain. We allow the brain to sift and sort and we can choose what thoughts we hold onto. If we allow it, our brain will grow through the hard times and not stay stuck in darkness and depression.
Always remember, “Broken Crayons still color”.
Brendon Burchard says, “Interact in this situation as your best self”.
Even through the pain of losing my Grammy I continued to ask myself, “How can I support my family through this difficult time? How can I lead them through this pain? Can I be a role model in this moment for my sisters? Can I guide them in anyway?” I had to take the victim hat off and act as my best self.
I have found that through leading I have learned my best lessons and became the best version of me every single day.
Even when times suck, people suck, the pain feels unbearable, we have to remember to give thanks. Becoming appreciative and becoming more aware of the blessings around me has helped me to love harder, give more, and feel full of purpose.
I grew up feeling empty from traumas of my childhood. Finding gratitude even though I had been through deep darkness has allowed my heart to be full of love. I know it sounds weird, and you might the thinking, “Yea Marina, you don't know my story or my pain,” but I want to challenge you.
Become aware of ALL the blessings that surround you and write them down daily. What can you be grateful for?
See if we sit in our own shit we will continue to have more shit. LOL
I want you to know that whatever you are going through I am praying for you.