“I’m just trying to stop the bleeding right now” is a sentence from my OBGYN I keep hearing over and over again in my head.
As I looked at her face, after I made a joke about her being down there for so long after Madelyn was born giving me stitches, I realized quickly that this was NOT a time for joking around. In fact, she was trying to stay calm and the nurses were as well.
I looked at Jason and FEAR hit me and hit me fast. I began to cry and thought to myself, what if the bleeding doesn’t stop?
I am about to be OPEN and share details of the birth of my daughter that might disturb you, might scare you, and might NOT be for you.
But I know I have taken you on a journey with me the last 9 months of this pregnancy and I want to share with you the beautiful ending of a pregnancy filled with struggles and pain as well as the beautiful beginning of Madelyn Sky Coggio being welcomed into the world.
So keep reading if you want. If not no worries Heeler, it isn’t for everyone.
We were scheduled VIA induction for 5 am on Thursday at the hospital April 17th, 2019. I was nervous as hell so of course I didn’t sleep. I was already at 3 CM dilated the day before when I went to my doctor to get checked so it was happening regardless this week for sure she said.
My hospital bag was packed, my content was ready for the next week, Marisa was ready to take over for me, my mom was here to watch Anaiyah and sleep over, Jason’s mom was ready to come with us to the hospital, and I took my final pregnancy picture.
I was full of emotions that night. Thinking about my grammy and how much I wish she was here. Thinking about how excited she was to meet Anaiyah and how she wouldn’t get to meet this baby girl. Thinking about how she was my rock after I had Anaiyah and not having her here with me had me legit crying all night that night.
But something happened when I drifted off at 3 am that day. A feeling of peace and warmth hit me and I heard her voice in my dream tell me it was going to be okay. I woke up with tears and smiles. I knew she would be right next to me in the delivery room.
The contractions began around 2 am that night already. So I knew this wasn’t going to be a long induction like for my first. My first I was in labor for 27 hours. Yes, you heard me 27 hours LOL. This time, I just knew it was going to be different.
I did my hair, I did my makeup, I was ready. I knew I was going to document on my Facebook and Instagram stories as much as I could for you Heeler so heelllerrrrrrrrr… I needed to be on point for sure!
I woke up Jason at 4:45 am so we could go pick up his mom and head to the hospital.
The anxiety was getting worse of the unknown and I began to panic but I was hiding it from Jason and his mom. I had to be strong. Not let them see my weakness of course. (Stupid me lol)
We got to the hospital, checked in, and the nurses came in to prep me.
So, first needle in the arm and they blew a vein, again , and again, by the 4th time I was about to SCREAM at the nurse. She finally got it in. So right now I have legit bruises on my arms from blown veins LOL.
The drip began of the potocin around 7:30 am. (This is how they induce contractions aka labor.)
Minute by minute this was becoming more real. We were about to meet Madelyn for real! HOLY SHIT…
By 9 am, I began to feel the PAIN PAIN PAIN BAADDDDDDDDDD of labor. Still only 4 Cm dilated they were ready to break my water.
As I held onto the bed railing breathing the best I could through the contractions the nurse came in to adjust me because Madelyn’s heart rate had dropped. (Scare Number 1)
Now it was time for the epidural. Let’s just say FULL BLOWN PANIC ATTACK began. I began shaking uncontrollably, crying from FEAR of being stuck wrong, and in the worst pain from the labor. Like seriously Marina get it together!
Here is where I have to give a HUGE shout out to my sister Tara and my main man #HBO Jason. They both kept me sane, they both kept me focused, I would NOT have been able to do any of this without them.
Jason looked at me and told me YOU’VE GOT THIS BABE and his confidence just eased my fear. My sister Tara kept telling me how amazing I was and how strong I was and reminded me of the beauty I got to meet very soon.
The epidural began to kick in.
Now It was time to break my water.
Midwife comes in and 15 min later she CAN’T break my water! Let’s just say the epidural doesn’t take away pressure pain or pinching pain. OUCH!
The OBGYN MD finally stepped in and in one try BOOM my water was broke. It was game time! Well, at least we thought. LOL
So let me introduce you real quick to Bonnie, Jason’s mom. Bonnie was in some bad car accidents over the years and has some serious damage to her spine and back. She is 62 years young and stunning I might add but sitting in a wood uncomfortable chair since 5 am can be super PAINFUL!
We begged her to go home after they checked me again an hour after breaking my water and I was only 4.5 CM. She finally agreed.
It was a sigh of relief. I was in so much pain and seeing her in pain only messed with my anxiety even more. I didn’t want her to suffer in pain you know?
Well, here’s where it gets funny! Before she leaves she asks the doctor, “She won’t have the baby in an hour right? I just need to run home and change real quick and I will be right back”.
I had told Bonnie it wouldn’t be until night time most likely that I had Madelyn so going home was fine. What I didn’t know was the second Bonnie left I was going to go from 4.5 CM to 9 in 20 min after they checked me!
So Bonnie leaves, I start feeling severe pressure, I get checked, the doctor smiles, and says, “All I can feel is head!” OMG OMG I scream, “CALL BONNIE and tell her to come back NOW!”
Bonnie legit made it back JUST IN TIME. See, I had told her for 9 months she COULD NOT be in the room with me and Jason. I just didn’t want anyone seeing that side of me LOL. But something came over me the last couple of days and I decided to let her be in the room. I wanted her to experience what she missed with Anaiyah.
My mother in law holding one leg, the nurse holding the other, my sister as my focal point and taking photos, and Jason holding my hand.
I have to be honest. I was exhausted after 15 min. All the nurse kept saying was “Go right back into it”
There came a point during this push process where I thought to myself, “What if I can’t get her out, what if I am pushing for hours and hours like the horror stories I heard about in my pregnancy Facebook group.”
See my mind does this thing where it will think the worst. Panic mode will happen and I have to talk myself out of quitting. And that is exactly what I did in this moment.
The doctor at this point has now joined us and has me scoot down and tells me to start pushing again. While I am in the process of this I hear the nurse look over to Jason and say, “Are you okay? I think its best if you sit down this just isn’t for you tough guy”.
Apparently Jason had turned WHITE as a ghost and started to sweat pretty bad. LOL I had warned him before that child birth was NOT for everyone and he might want to look away. See for our first daughter Anaiyah he wasn’t in the room when she was born. It was my mom and 2 sisters with me. So this was his FIRST and OMGEEEEEEE he was just filled with so much emotion and was def spooked.
So he sat down and traded positions with my sister. At this point I am turning around to check on him while I push. Multi-Tasking at its best HAHA…
After 15-25 min of pushing, I feel a sense of relief and see this beautiful angel on my chest just staring up at me. She wasn’t crying, she wasn’t making a noise for a good 30 second and I asked out loud, which I have on camera thanks to my beautiful sister Tara, “Is she okay?”.
Finally she began to cry and slowly stopped as I spoke to her and we had a moment where we bonded. She looked at me and began to grunt. I was overcome with this amazing feeling of gratitude and love. The same feeling I had the day Anaiyah was born. It was amazing.
They took the baby from me to get her weight and check her breathing when I realized that the doctor was a little frantic.
I saw Bonnie’s face when she looked at the floor that I now know was covered in complete blood. Jason said it looked like a triple homicide.
Jason stood up and grabbed my hand and thats when I made a joke to the doctor.
This kept playing like a broken record in my head. My heart began to pound. I saw fear in my mother in law’s face, fear in Jason’s face, and fear in my sister’s face.
Put it this way, when we asked how much Madelyn weighed and the time she was born the nurses took a min to answer. The room was all hands on deck to me in that moment.
I began to cry and thought to myself, what if the bleeding doesn’t stop? I looked at Jason and cried. I was legit terrified. What if… what if…
He was so amazing in this moment. I can’t even explain how our bond grew in that moment. He felt helpless, he felt scared, and yet he kept me calm, kept me focused, and kept me safe in that moment.
I began to pray. I told God no matter what happens to me to keep my girls safe. I began to thank him for my amazing life. No matter what happened to me, I wanted HIM to know how blessed I knew I was. I was given opportunity after opportunity to be a mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, and much more to some amazing humans in my life.
Finally, almost 1 hour later the doctor was done sewing me up.
I had ripped the wrong way.
I had ripped bottom up instead of down.
I had ruptured 3 blood vessel in my urethra that were hemorrhaging. I have to give a huge shout out to my OB who legit saved my life that day.
The RED bag image will never leave my head. Will never be erased from that traumatic moment. It was full of the “crime scene” as Jason calls it.
Our family has grown from 3 to 4. I announced to our Heeler community when she was born.
We welcomed Madelyn Sky Coggio to the world 4-17-19 at 4:48 Pm. She weighed 7 lbs 10 oz and 19.5 inches long. She made her first appearance this past Thursday on her first Facebook live. Click here to see her appearance.
She has a head of hair like no tomorrow and our Italian genes are shining bright through this angel.
♥ My Grammy would have loved her.
♥ My Grammy would have spoiled her.
♥ My Grammy would be so proud of me.
I lost my best friend my Grammy at 5 months pregnant.
I was SICK as SHIT throughout this whole pregnancy.
I was tired, I was hormonal, I was def a little crazy, (Thank you Marisa for dealing with me)
I didn’t want to show up.
I didn’t want to continue to build my businesses.
I just wanted to sleep.
I could of gave up.
I could of made excuses.